I created this blog and signed up for this account over a year and a half ago. At the time, I was what I thought was happily married, and I wanted to blog to help stay close with out of town family and friends. But soon after I opened this account, my life took a turn I didn't expect.
It was the beginning of the end of a marriage that would only last a year and a half before he walked out on me without looking back, refusing to continue with counseling, and devoid of any desire to try and save our marriage and absolutely no reverence for the vows we had written together. He broke every single promise he ever made to me. This person whom I never thought would ever hurt me, figuratively sucker punched me with everything I had been most afraid of - of being abandoned, rejected, divorced, taken advantage of, and manipulated. I would later learn that unfortunately, my romantic marital love was no match for mental illness and childhood trauma. I would be called upon to dig deeper inside of myself for a greater spiritual love - one that would require me to let go.
He left on March 26, 2010, and I devoted the remaining 9 months of my life to my own intensive healing. Essentially, preparing to give new birth to a new time in my life. It has not been easy by any stretch of the imagination, and my work continues. I am an ongoing project. Many times I have wanted to throw the canvas out the window and start over. Well, in this case, I kind of am starting over. I'm not necessarily happy about it either. It's not where I ever thought I would be, but it's where I am.
Our life chapters rarely finish up in neat timelines, so my 2010 healing will continue into 2011, and will no doubt require additional dedication to myself. We are spiritual beings having a human experience, and dog gone it, it's incredibly tough most of the time.
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