Oh Winter. Oh How I long for Summer.

All this winter weather has prompted me to reflect on the fragility of the human condition.  Sipping my coffee in my cozy robe and gazing out my best friend's picture window one snowy morning in Blowing Rock, it was humbling to watch all the tiny little birds and critters scurrying around the feeders who somehow hadn't frozen to death the night before.  Without our shelter and our layers of clothing, we surely wouldn't last very long on our own out there. My mom says that birds actually have a type of anti-freeze in their feet to protect them.  How do all these little creatures survive?  It's pretty incredible.

On my way home tonight, as the snow came down, I saw a black cat running across the road to a bush.  Even if I were able to catch him, I doubt he would fully appreciate his captivity even if it was a warm respite from the elements.  Their survival is impressive - skills and instincts we humans cast aside not too many generations ago.  In the grand scheme of things, our temperature range for survival is only a tiny sliver on the thermometer. How fortunate we are to be safe and dry and warm. in houses with our loved ones and all our technology and conveniences.  I didn't invent them or build them, , and in truth, I really didn't do anything to "deserve" them, but I am grateful for them. 

Insert a moment of gratitude.

If August encompasses the dog days of summer, January, February, and March are the bitter days of winter.  For the most part, the holidays are over, and it is the most difficult time of the year for me to trudge through.  On cold days, all I want to do is curl up and hibernate until summer returns.  I know. Some people are energized by the cool weather, but me: I was born in the summer - and summer has always been my favorite time of year. In fact, my favorite night of the year is Midsummer Night. I'm always cold anyway, so I long for the days when the air on your skin is a gentle caress that doesn't chill.  I love to go swimming at night and still not feel cold. I like wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts and not feeling the least bit chilly - when it feels like even the air itself is alive.  (I don't love the bugs, of course.) Not surprisingly, I'm really more of an indoor girl, but I love the longer days and the happy colors.   Mom and Dad have a screened in porch which is the best of both worlds. 

So during the winter, if it's going to be cold, it might as well be snowing so I can hunker down and avoid the brutality of ye Ole Man Winter.  Bring it on.  I'll be curled up, hibernating with my cat in front of the gas logs until about April 30 or so, regardless of the Groundhog report issued in a couple of weeks.  I guess it's a good thing I don't live any further North from the Equator.  If I had the money, an extended trip to the Bahamas would be in order right about now...that is, if my flight to Paradise wasn't cancelled due to snow.

New Year, New Paths

I created this blog and signed up for this account over a year and a half ago.  At the time, I was what I thought was happily married, and I wanted to blog to help stay close with out of town family and friends.  But soon after I opened this account, my life took a turn I didn't expect. 

It was the beginning of the end of a marriage that would only last a year and a half before he walked out on me without looking back, refusing to continue with counseling, and devoid of any desire to try and save our marriage and absolutely no reverence for the vows we had written together.  He broke every single promise he ever made to me.  This person whom I never thought would ever hurt me, figuratively sucker punched me with everything I had been most afraid of - of being abandoned, rejected, divorced, taken advantage of, and manipulated.  I would later learn that unfortunately, my romantic marital love was no match for mental illness and childhood trauma.  I would be called upon to dig deeper inside of myself for a greater spiritual love - one that would require me to let go.

He left on March 26, 2010, and I devoted the remaining 9 months of my life to my own intensive healing.  Essentially, preparing to give new birth to a new time in my life.  It has not been easy by any stretch of the imagination, and my work continues.  I am an ongoing project.  Many times I have wanted to throw the canvas out the window and start over.  Well, in this case, I kind of am starting over.  I'm not necessarily happy about it either.  It's not where I ever thought I would be, but it's where I am. 

Our life chapters rarely finish up in neat timelines, so my 2010 healing will continue into 2011, and will no doubt require additional dedication to myself.  We are spiritual beings having a human experience, and dog gone it, it's incredibly tough most of the time.